Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
