I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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