Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
