New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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