Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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