Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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