Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
