Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We have so much sex to catch up on
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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