currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
