I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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