It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
