Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she peed on how many people?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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