we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
