We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
