Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
