I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
