As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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