Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Semen is not good for contacts.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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