I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
