Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
