just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
