last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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