Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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