You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
