he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
