Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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