There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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