i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
