YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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