whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
