this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
