There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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