I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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