Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
