I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
