If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
