She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
