Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
