Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
