I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
