summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
