Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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