Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
