well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
