I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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