I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
