stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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