I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
