dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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