she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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