I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
