Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
